The Early Hours

I've always listened to Radio 4 late at night and am familiar with the Shipping Forecast, Sailing By and the National Anthem before the switch-over to the World Service.

Now I've discovered what happens before Farming Today, thanks to a trip down to Portsmouth for a nine o'clock start. There is a similarly nautical theme with a medley of sea shanties and other traditional melodies including "What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor?" and "Rule Britannia". Most peculiar.

I'm hoping that I won't become too au fait with this part of the BBC schedule.

Rottnest Island

Rottnest Island (as visited by Billy Connolly on his world tour of Australia) lies in the Indian Ocean, 19 km from Fremantle and just a 45 minute ferry-trip away - a popular holiday destination for locals. It is a low-level and semi-arid island with extensive sand dunes and inland salt lakes. Skene and I set off to explore with John, Skene's cousin, as our expert guide.

There are no cars on the island and so cycling is the most popular mode of transport. I've ridden a bike only a handful of times since leaving home and so I was a little nervous and wobbly as we set off around the island. Bayseeker buses passed us regularly, making me wobble, but the snakes on the road were marginally more alarming! Fortunately, I spotted one in time and alerted the troops as our slippery friend slithered off, leaving us unmolested. The quokkas were all the more appealing. Mistaken for rats by Dutch sailors, these small marsupials are like tiny kangaroos. We found some by the side of the road and I pulled over to say hello. Surprisingly, they were more than happy to hang out with me and even let me stroke them!

Having learnt to snorkel on Cottesloe Beach, I was keen to try out my new skills on the island. I let Skene and John go into the water first to do a quick survey but was soon invited in to look around. I saw caves and coral and a multitude of multi-coloured fish. The water was warm but not as hot as the sun and so I was soon shivering. I returned to dry land to find a gekko just inches from my rucksack, looking pretty interested in our lunch.

We cycled round to the other side of the island and had lunch near the Wadjemup Lighthouse, having turned inland. Our bread and cheese tasted delicious and the day had a real "Famous Five" feel to it.

Once our lunch had settled, we descended into Little Salmon Bay for a spot more snorkelling. I admired a variety of marine life whilst John went out diving for rock lobsters with a snare. He could stay underwater, holding his breath, for what seemed like minutes at a time, making me worry that I would have to dive down and pull him feet first from a cave or ravine. He caught one, bringing it over for Skene and I to inspect. It was too small though and so had to be released rather than taken home for a barbecue.
We cycled back round to Thompson's Bay, the island's main settlement, and enjoyed a well-earned drink or two in the rather stylish pub, surrounded by holidaymakers, as we waited for the ferry to whisk us back to the city.

Sunny Perth

At first glance, Perth seems not to be blessed with as many old or interesting buildings as Melbourne. However, after a reasonable survey of the city, we found some gems.

The colonial-era Supreme Court overlooks the Swan River and is surrounded by a walled garden with numerous palm trees. It looked like not a bad place to work. Across the road, we found the Swan Bell Tower - a modern structure completed in 2001, it houses twelve bells donated by St Martin's-in-the-Fields to celebrate Australia's bicentennary. In return, Western Australia sent metal for new bells to be cast for the Trafalgar Square church - smaller bells which would not shake the London bell tower as the old ones had! We climbed up to the observation deck for a stunning view across the river. The University of Western Australia is the finest campus university I've seen with italianate sandstone buildings, sweeping lawns and an open-air cinema where we saw Apres-Vous, a rather funny French farce.

The city also benefits from wide open spaces including King's Park, the world's largest city-centre park, which boasts a free-standing spiral staircase inspired by the double helix of DNA and a tree-top walk. The local Olympic-sized outdoor swimming pool is in such a beautiful setting, with bright-blue skies and galahs in the trees, that I felt as though I was in a Gus Van Sant movie as I swam my lengths.

The beaches are worthy of note too - a great improvement on Melbourne's most popular city beach at St Kilda's. James' aunt and uncle took us to Cottesloe Beach on Sunday morning - their Christmas day beach. We arrived just in time to see the surf livesaving clubs' regatta and races and settled down in the shade of the pine trees above the sands. Spotter planes buzzed overhead, keeping an eye out for sharks. Fortunately, we would see only brilliant blue fish as Skene patiently taught me to snorkle. I fought back the panic as I donned the mask and tube and took only five minutes to work up to putting my face in the water. Perhaps the most alarming revelation was that Skene hums even when underwater.

The Grampians

On Tuesday afternoon, we turned inland, bidding a fond farewell to the Southern Ocean which had been our travelling companion for the last few days. The Great Southern Touring Route took us into the Grampians National Park, past Mount Abrupt and Mount Difficult. Emus grazed at the side of the road and a huge wedge-tailed eagle took off across our path, necessitating an emergency stop. We later found kangaroos on the lawn at our motel. They were curious and reasonably bold - even the mother with a small joey in her pouch. But torrential rain meant that I didn't linger too long with my new found friends.

After listening to storms and long-billed correllas. all night, we weren't in the best shape for a climbing expedition. But our guide, Earl, picked us up at 9 o'clock sharp and whisked us high up into the ranges. He set up an abseil route and Skene bounced down the rope like a professional. I started off tentatively but by my third attempt, I'd got the hang of it and whizzed down as fast as the rain-sodden rope would allow.

Two grade 14 routes awaited us at the bottom. Skene made light work of the first but as I tied in, the weather deteriorated and the clouds closed in, obscuring our view of the park. I clambered up the wall, sticking my fingers into spiders' nests and pools of rainwater. The route moved into a corner but with encouragement from below, I pressed on and reached the foundation point, touching the carabiners with the tips of my fingers. Skene lowered me down past the tree-tops, completely sodden. The second route involved a trickier start but I committed to the move, as instructed by Earl, and made it on to the rockface. By this time, I was very cold and very wet. Once I'd fallen off the wall three times and there was rainwater squelching out of my climbing shoes on every move and cramp was setting in, I gave up, satisfied that I had at least tackled the crux move. It was a good introduction to outdoor climbing and the weather gave us a taste of what climbing in Derbyshire or the Lake District would be like!

Once we'd changed into warm clothes, we set off for Ballarat where we would have our second spider experience. On getting out of bed, I went into the bathroom and found two very hairy legs hanging over the edge of the lamp. I managed not to scream and retreated into the bedroom. Skene inspected the beast from the safety of the threshold and after a few moments' discussion, I decided to call the hotel reception. Better than calling for an ambulance after a botched assassination attempt... The lady on the switchboard was plainly quite used to young Englishwomen calling up in arachnophobic distress and dispatched the maintenance man with haste. The spider was sprayed and scooped up into a cloth, still thrashing around. To save our blushes, the spider catcher kindly told us that it was a tarantula but we suspect in retrospect that it was in fact a harmless huntsman.

We then went and scared ourselves silly in the Wildlife Park Reptile House! It was home to a wide range of venomous Australian snakes and one or two mean-looking crocodiles. Only slightly less aggressive were the kangaroos which roamed the paths mobbing visitors in the hope of being fed. Skene was bitten by one young male whilst a larger male clawed at my arm! The koalas were mild in comparison and I was able to pat one. We were warned not to attempt to hug wild koalas as they can give a very nasty scratch (perhaps requiring more than 200 stitches, believe it or not!). Unfortunately, we saw no wild koalas on our travels as numbers are declining due to chlamydia.

The freeway took us back to Melbourne and sunnier weather. We spent the evening by the Yarra River, with a lovely meal at a Greek restaurant, owned by Anastasia's uncle, and a horrifying film at the casino.

The Great Ocean Road

Inspired by a Guardian article (which was in turn inspired by Mad Max), I decided that we should head down the Great Ocean Road for a few days. The route we chose was the Great Southern Touring Route which involves two days along the coast and three days travelling through the Grampian National Park.

We left Melbourne under a cloud (it had only taken a day for the bad weather to track us down) and stopped off at the You Yangs Regional Park. A short walk through native bush led us to Big Rock - a huge outcrop featuring rock wells carved out by Aboriginals to collect water.

Our lunch stop was Geelong - a coastal town built on wool. It was surprisingly smart with a brand new waterfront and several swanky cafe-bars. It seemed too far from Melbourne to be within the commuter-belt and too small to sustain itself. Nevertheless, we enjoyed our stop now that the sunshine had emerged again.

The road soon joined the Surf Coast and we pulled up on the cliff-tops at Airey's Inlet, drawn in by the lighthouse. We walked along the coastal path and heard the unmistakeable slithering sound of a snake! I spent more time looking at my feet than at the views after that...

Our first night of 2005 was spent at Apollo Bay, a popular holiday spot for Victorian families. We had a lovely room in a B&B, overlooking the Otway Ranges. It was unfortunately marred slightly by a white-tailed spider on our bed! Skene despatched it with efficiency (and his shoe) but I couldn't sleep that night for fear of its mate appearing.

The next morning, we meandered along the coast to Cape Otway lighthouse. It was blustery and cold and there was no sign of any koalas as promised by the leaflet...

We left the ocean road to head inland through the Otway Ranges to the Otway Tree-Top Walk - the tallest and longest tree-top walk in the world. The steel walkway took us up to the top of the gum trees, wobbling and shaking all the way. The spiral staircase up the 45-metre high tower left me dizzy and seasick but the view over the forest was fascinating, up high with the birds.

Further west was the highlight of the route - the Twelve Apostles and London Bridge (which has indeed fallen down). Both coastal features are the result of erosion of the limestone cliffs. The viewpoints were crowded with tourists and buzzing with flies but the views were well worth it. The waves of the Southern Ocean pounded the cliffs, eroding the rock as we watched, the deserted beaches seemed to stretch for miles and the sun glinted off the water like flecks of silver.

Our second night was spent at Port Fairy - in Victoria's oldest licensed hotel, the Caledonian Inn. The town was quaint and filled with cafes, antiques shops and surf outlets, all full of local holidaymakers - an authentic Australian resort.

One of the surf shops provided us with a surf lesson the next afternoon. The instruction lacked a few vital details - such as how to get your board out into the waves (I was beaten back by the wind but pressed on determined) and how to get on it whilst in the water (I remembered how the seals had moved around the rocks in N.Z. and followed suit). But eventually I caught a few waves and almost managed to stand up. I even found that I could sit on the board close to the shore and look pretty professional whilst taking a break. My eyes and nose streamed from the salt and I was fairly cold even through my wetsuit but I had an exhilarating time and hope to get some more practice in in Perth... Skene seems to need no such practice and managed to spend a significant amount of time upright and posing.

Happy New Year!

Having experienced the worst December weather since 1945 in New Zealand, we were relieved to land in Melbourne where temperatures were topping 30 degrees.

We decided to explore the city before dinner and found Melbourne's colonial buildings to be vast and substantial compared with Wellington. It shouldn't have come as any surprise given that the Australian state of Victoria is home to 5 million people - more than the total population of N.Z.. The city streets are dominated by banks dating back to the gold rush and churches founded by missionaries and other settlers. Nineteenth century arcades reveal that Melbourne has always been a shopping mecca whilst the bistros and bars are testament to the C.B.D.'s recent revival. We enjoyed dinner thanks to some of the city's Greek-Australians - saganaki followed by kalamari - delicious!

As we emerged from our hostel on New Year's Eve, we were greeted by sunshine. And so we headed for the dank and dark building that is Melbourne's Old Gaol. Although Victoria wasn't a primary destination for the transportation of convicts, Melbourne had its fair share of trouble resulting in the building of the gaol in the mid-nineteenth century. It was modelled on H.M.P. Pentonville with tiny cells in which inmates would be kept in isolation and "runs" to allow for solitary exercise. Men and women were imprisoned side by side and even children found themselves incarcerated there. 135 executions were carried out on the site, many of them conducted by fellow prisoners acting as hangmen in return for extra privileges. The most famous criminal to be hanged there was Ned Kelly, the bushranger (highwayman) who is remarkably popular given his greedy and vicious way of life.

We decided to head down to the beach for the afternoon and so set off for St Kilda, Melbourne's old-fashioned seaside resort. It is seedy though not without character - like many of England's south coast resorts. We took a stroll along the prom but the water wasn't tempting so we visited Luna Park, an amusement park opened in 1912. Homesick for the Big Dipper at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, I dragged Skene onto the "Scenic Railway", the park's original wooden rollercoaster. Unfortunately, the ride should have had a maximum height restriction as well as a minimum height restriction - we ended up retiring to the pub with bruised knees.

Midnight saw us on the banks of the Yarra River, under the gum trees. The fireworks kicked off and it soon became clear that Melbourne had achieved what London had failed to produce on Millenium Eve - a River of Fire. The bangs and flashes and oohs and aahs continued for a good fifteen minutes - a stunning start to 2005.